30 Things About Maya: by Maya Farmer

30 things about Maya:

1) I like cookies.

2) I also like pizza crusts.

3) Are you going to eat that?

4) I think I'm a big guard dog.

5) The vacuum cleaner makes me pee myself. Every. Damn. Time.

6) I think squirrels are evil, demon possessed creatures that need to be eradicated by any means necessary.

7) I once pulled the seasoned chicken that Mommy was about to cook off the counter and ate it in about 30 seconds. 

8) Did I mention I like cookies?

9) I am SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU. 

10) Mommy and Daddy are not allowed to acknowledge the existence of other dogs. Except Baron, but he doesn't count.

11) I like to cook with Mommy. By cook, I mean watch carefully for the little pieces of food that fall on the floor.

12) It is in my job description to follow Mommy to the bathroom. You never know when she might get sucked into the toilet and disappear. Then who will give me cookies?

13) Two words. OUTSIDE and BYE-BYE. OMG.

14) I throw temper tantrums if someone is sitting in my seat on the couch. Also if so much as a corner of a blanket is in my seat on the couch. 

15) Barking at the mailman is necessary. Also the neighbors. Also the little kid walking down the street.

16) Digging is underrated.

17) I forget where I dug holes and sometimes trip in them when I run around the yard. Keeps things interesting.

18) I like to play a fun game of "where can I hide this bone where Baron won't find it" where you carry around a bone for two hours looking anxiously into every nook and cranny to see if it's a good hiding place. (My best spots are under my bed, in the dirty laundry, and between the couch cushions).

19) I am really into all of your smells.

20) Did you know how much fun it is to shred paper all over the house?

21) I'm a morning person.

22) I'm also an afternoon, evening, and 2am person.

23) I will not let my guard down until both Mommy and Daddy are home. 

24) I think every bump is an attacker trying to break in. Woof.

25) I wait a minimum of two hours before ripping the squeaker out of new toys. (Manners)

26) I like to eat the plastic eyeballs of my toys. It's so creepy when they stare at you.

27) I once ate every pair of Mommy's shoes. I also didn't understand why she was angry when she had to put on heels with her pajamas to take me out to pee in the middle of the night.

28) I make a good pillow, and I like to cuddle. Especially at night. I also enjoy giving kisses.

29) Beware the farts.

30) I love you.