There are so many parts of my life that are changing, or about to change. There is so much that I am afraid of, so many doubts that play through my mind like a constant stream, that if I allowed myself to listen to it all, I would feel the pressures of the world caving in around me until I couldn't breathe anymore. It's times like these that I am so blessed to know the beauty of God's love. My favorite verse that I repeat to myself all the time is Proverbs 3:5-6.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
"Trust in The Lord": trust implies uncertainty. Trust requires risk. Without risking anything, you are not trusting. It is a gambol on my part because I have no certainty of the future. Only God knows what will happen, and this is going to happen regardless of whether I place my faith in Him or not. But placing my trust in Him is what makes all the difference; yes, the fear is still there, but so is courage. So is resolution that things will work out for the best in the end. Placing my trust in God is the difference between, as JK Rowling put it, "[it is] the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high." Regardless of the outcome, the difference is incredible.
"With all your heart". Not half of your heart, or a portion of your heart. It's a gambol, this trusting thing, all or nothing. In it to win it. God doesn't make bargains. He doesn't negotiate, or compromise. God gets what He wants ultimately because He knows how it is already going to end. Notice here also, that we are trusting with our hearts, not our heads. Our heads are logical: they have to be. They, after all, ensure our survival on a daily basis with small decisions that we don't consciously even think about. That hot stove you turned on this morning? Oh yeah, your brain was totally looking out for you the whole time those eggs were cooking. Your hand (and hopefully all body parts) stayed safely outside of the burn zone. While you may have been thinking, "hmm, these eggs are going to be pretty good. I think I want some coffee to go with my eggs this morning", your brain was making sure you didn't burn yourself, or your hair, or your clothes. It made sure you remembered to check the eggs before your house burned down. Every single second, your brain is computing at a thousand miles a second ensuring your survival.
But God doesn't want your brain. He wants the illogical side of you. The part of you that you can't really explain away despite all the science and psychology and however many other labels you place on it. God wants your heart, your love. Our hearts are our most vulnerable. Next to our brain, they are the most important organ in our body. Without them, we could not function.The heart is the first organ created during pregnancy. Our bodies are centered around protecting the heart with our ribs, a physical cage of protection around something so valuable. God knows how important the heart is, how vital and emotional and vulnerable it is. And He wants it. All of it. And that goes back to the trust thing: we have to trust God that He will protect our hearts. That does not mean that we won't get hurt: goodness and blessings do not exists without evil and curses. There is no light without the dark to compare it to. But the trust means that God will ensure our survival. Our trust means that God will lead us through the hard times, and more likely than not, God will help us to learn from our painful experiences.
"Lean not on your own understanding." This goes back to that brain thing I was talking about. Our brains are so good at functioning and thinking. ALL. THE. TIME. That they automatically begin trying to problem solve for something that we should really look to God for guidance for. While my heart is pleading, my brain is working double-time trying to come up with a solution to my problem. But there is no solution. At least, not one that I can do by myself. I don't care how much money you make, how many degrees you have. How much you exercise, or eat right, or study, or read, or volunteer. You cannot control your body, or your life. There are many things that are beyond our reach, beyond our understanding. We want to make up reasons for these. It's human nature to explain that which cannot be explained. But we can't do that here. Here, God wants our trust, our hearts, our pathos rather than our ethos. Truly trusting is based off of feeling, not logic. If you try to introduce logic, you can no longer trust. Now you are calculating, and as that is not what God wants, calculations will not work, leading you once again back to trusting.
"In all your ways acknowledge Him.": This is where I, and I think many of us, fall short. I like to take credit for my own accomplishments. I like the feeling of glory, that sense of pride that comes from accomplishing something others have failed at. But "pride comes before a fall", and all Glory belongs to God. Your accomplishments were achieved because of God. Taking credit for His work in your life is the ultimate plagiarism, yet we do it every day. "In all my ways" I am to acknowledge God. I am to Glorify God, both in my accomplishments and my failures. I am to praise God for the work He has done in my life. I am to lead others to God as they begin to see the good work that I have given Him the credit for. The more credit I give to Him for the blessings in my life, and believe me, despite my struggles, I am so very blessed in so many ways, the more others will want that same Glory and blessing in theirs.
"He will direct your paths." All of these things add up to one thing, and that is a God filled, blessing enriched life. They come with sacrifice: nothing in life is easy. But God made the Ultimate Sacrifice for us, so really, what is our sacrifice in the end but a small repayment, a small acknowledgement to Him for the love that He bestowed upon us. Here, God is offering us His Kingdom. He is offering to us, lowly, sinful, prideful, lazy, doubting, insecure us, the Kingdom of God. All we have to do is take a deep breath, and hold his hand. It's okay if we're afraid. It's okay if we stumble. Like any child learning to walk, our Father will pick us up, wipe our tears, dust us off, and encourage us to keep going.
So that's what I'm doing. I've stumbled a lot. I've got scraped knees and bruises. I've got tear stains on my face from all the crying I've done. My pride hurts from falling, from failing. But that trust that I have in God allows me to feel that spring in my step just when I think I'm about to fail again. Because I know God is holding my hand and teaching me to walk on my own.
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