I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this, but dreams have a huge impact on my thoughts. Ever since I was little, dreams dictated what decisions I made, how I behaved, and eventually, even who I dated. Yes folks, you read that correctly: I have broken up with a boy simply because I had a bad dream about him.
It's not like, "oh, I had this nightmare last night where you were a terrible person so I'm dumping you," but rather the dream colors my perception about that person until all I can see are the negative attributes. I haven't studied Freud, but I firmly believe that in dreams, our subconscious, and maybe even God, is attempting to relate to us something that we hadn't been able to fully admit to ourselves before.
Ever since I met Brian, I've had nightmares. In fact, a way that I recognized that losing him would devastate me was through dreams. For the last year, I've had dreams of Brian cheating on me, breaking up with me,leaving me for another woman, divorcing me, and (last night) dying in one dream and going away long term for work in another.
In every dream, my reaction is the same. It gets hard to breathe, I start to panic, and I cry so much I'm always amazed when I wake up with dry cheeks in the morning. Even my subconscious knows I need that boy.
But that doesn't keep the dreams from completely ruining my entire day; this morning for example, the terrifying image of Brian's skeleton in my dream made me to cling to him like a baby, just to reassure myself that he's still really there.
Maybe what my subconscious is trying to tell me is to take advantage of every second with Brian: hug him a little longer, never forget to tell him I love him, because I don't want to face the unthinkable knowing that I wasted even a portion of our time together. People say we have a lifetime together to do the things we want to do, but how do you measure a lifetime?
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